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Randomness in its true form--not unintelligible, just inconsistent. Archives  
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2.23.2002
 I am Ludo! People just don't understand me. I'm a sweetheart who loves making friends - even with rocks, but I seem like a monster. Once people get to know the real me, they just can't help but love me.
(0) comments 2.22.2002
(0) comments 2.17.2002
Weird StuffSo I had some weird dreams last night. I can only remember one of the dreams, but it was freaky. That's probably why I remembered it. :p I dreamed that half of the world blew up. Yeah, that's a weird sentence. I think that in my dream it didn't really blow up; everything just turned into molten lava. In other words, everyone died. The other part of the dream, connected with that, was that no one on the other side of the world knew about it. So all the people are dying horrible deaths, and no one knew. Hmm, now where does that sound familiar? Well, make your own judgement about that. It just seems like (at least to a lesser degree) that happens a lot anyway. The only difference in the dream was that it was so much more complete. The destruction was total. And it was freaking creepy. The closest thing that it connects to (as far as symbols in dreams go) are volcanoes. Heck if I know. (0) comments 2.16.2002
Well, Things Aren't So BadNot for me, anyway. I'm tired. I feel fine. Well, my throat hurts a little, but that's all. I didn't think about Sept. 11th on Feb. 11th; even though it was the 5 month anniversary. I didn't think about it at all. That's good. I mean, it's not good to forget it completely. It's just good to be able to get back on the horse of life. Sometimes it throws you. Sometimes you hang on. So I'm okay. Maybe the chemicals in my brain are getting balanced out once again. Maybe I'm just having a good week. Maybe I don't really know anything. Maybe I just want to go to bed and sleep for a week. Well, I'm off Tuesday, so that's something. I hope you all have a good weekend. Better not get into any trouble. :) (0) comments 2.15.2002
So As The World Seems To MeSo as the world seems to me, a lot of things are sort of pointless. Like some theories in math or science. Oh we can't see them, but they're out there. So what? What do they do? Oh, well they help us solve this other meaningless equation. Blaspheme to all mathematicians. Sorry Kev! And then there's the whole problem of being PC. Also, we have the problem of misinterpretation. That's a long word. It's probably mispronounced quite often. That's either because people don't look at right (or the way it was meant), or they don't know enough about it to make a valid opinion of it. Sounds familiar, no? I'd just like to say that in the process of these two problems, a lot of things probably don't get said. I could say my views on something, but you wouldn't understand them. You'd take them the other way, and then I'd never be able to say anything else about it without you bringing up what you thought I said before. Whew, that was a long sentence. Like abortion for instance. I'm pro-choice. I'm also pro-life. See? The problem presents itself. If you say one without the other, then people get the wrong idea. If I were to say, "yes I think abortions are wrong," you'll think me out to be one of those crazy New Right people, who blow up abortion clinics and stuff. Well granted, that might be some misinterpretation on my part, but listen anyway. Maybe I do think abortions are wrong. Maybe I just don't think they are for me. Maybe I think that I will never need one, so why worry about it? My point (yes I have one) is this. It's not my decision to control someone else's life. Or the decision about their supposed life. If I say that I think abortions are wrong, then you'll think that I want them completely gone. Well maybe, but I don't think that they ever will be. So why endanger the mother's life as well? I mean, people often will go to any extreme to get what they want. If you take away the safe option, you leave them with no choice. You make your own decision. It's not mine to make for you. And that's what I agree with. You know what I think deep down and far beyond any of this PC whatever? I can't even say PC crap for fear of misinterpretation. I'm always worried about saying the wrong thing. Saying something that might piss someone off. Well F666 it. Oh, that's my new word. You can probably figure out what it means. If not, sorry. Don't mess with people's lives. I took a spiritual gifts test a while back. It said that some of my biggest gifts are mercy and leadership. A leadership of mercy? In my AP Government class, we were talking about homeless people and mentally retarded people. This one guy said that we should take all of those people and put them on a boat out to sea. Then we should blow up the boat. Do you all ever think? Does anyone ever realize anything? Brothers, sisters, cousins, friends. Everyone is connected somehow. It doesn't matter if they're a drain on society. Everybody's connected. You can't screw with one person without affecting the whole group. I don't mean screw like that sort of screw, Misty Greene. I mean mess with. It's F666ing madness. Please don't mess with me. Don't mess with my stuff. Don't mess with my mind. Don't mess with my future or my past. Just leave me alone. (0) comments 2.09.2002
My Ears Are Stopped UpBut that's not the problem. The problem is that I seem to be coming up with this weird stuff all the time. Thoughts? Junk in throat? Dreams? Um, yes to all of the above. So what's the problem? Too many questions, too little time. And yet, you sit in your chair, staring out the window or the floor or at the road and think, "Is this all there is?" And it seems to be. Is this all there is? You watch your tv or get on the computer. You eat. You work so that you can eat. You eat some more. What else. Oh, well people play some basketball or football or something. People get hurt. We're actually very fragile creatures. So we get hurt. We get put in hospital maybe. What does that lead to? More reading/watching tv/talking. Talking about what? Oh sports of course. Gossip about anything. A family crisis or two. World politics. We work to survive. We survive to work. Huh. We eat because we work, because we want to survive. For what? To go eat some more. Or spend time with friends (probably eating or drinking). We get drunk (not me personally). We throw up. We get sick. We eat again. We work to get money to buy things. Clothes. Great, I survive to have clothes? Cars. So we can travel, right? To see things. Other people's lives. What fun. What are they doing? Eating. Sleeping. Dreaming. Dreaming about what. Other people's lives. Where they are doing what? Eating. It just seems like there could be more and there isn't. Oh sure there are all the little things you have to do too. Chores, school, relationships etc. Just so you can watch your tv and eat something and survive. Or dream. About what? Things that will never happen. Fantasy. Sometimes I wonder if we really aren't inside a Matrix like in that movie. But what would the machines be getting out of our energy sources? Power. Nourishment. Food of a kind. To do what? To survive. For what? Just because they have programmed that way. Hmm. Humans, animals, robots. We're all the same. We just want to exist. To live. Although life is not what we'd like a lot of times. Complain? Well, if you really don't care what happens, complaining does fine. Some people care though. They do stuff. Some people even go to an extreme. Terrorism is just a way of people saying they want a change. They want to be involved. They aren't necessarily concerned with their own survival, but for their people or their group. They are doing what they think is right, which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of people. They are actually trying. So whether you agree with the methods of people like Osama Bin Laden or not, admit it. At least he is taking a stand. He is doing something. It's not a good thing. But at least he's doing something. (0) comments 2.08.2002
It's Not To Say That I Don't Have Anything To Say. . .. . . it's just that I can't put it on here. Too many people could potentially find out, so I don't want to write about it until I graduate. :p It's sort of like that time I accidentally smacked my driver's ed teacher in the head. I was just going by where he sat, and I was going to pretend like I was going to smack him. You know, a fake hit that goes right above the place that it looks like you're going to hit (If you understood any of that, bravo). Well, everything was going according to plan when I aimed too low. I smacked him good. It also scared me good. When I tell people about it now, I laugh it off. I say I meant to or something silly like that. I didn't mean to. He threatened after school detention when I did it. So I have lots of things happening to me, I just can't talk about them here. But I'll probably tell you about it in about 3 and a half months. By the way, it's 8 weeks and 1 day until my 18th birthday. Very cool. (0) comments 2.04.2002
This Is Just Really OddI don't post anything for about 4 days, but yet I have more hits than when I do post things. Sheesh. Okay, so everyone has been on a message board, right? If not, you are STRANGER than me. And I can say that because this is my website. Alright, I'm assuming that everyone has been on a message board. Assuming is bad, because it makes an ASS out of U and ME. See? There are all types of people on message boards. Well there's this guy who has compiled a list of all the different types complete with descriptions. Yay!. The next question of course is, "Do you see yourself in any of these descriptions?" I do. I think that I'm probably the Lonely Guy/Girl: Lonely Guy doesn't get out much, and often his social isolation can drive him to do battle just for the human contact. Compassion dictates that we shouldn't get too upset with his antics. Nonetheless, Lonely Guy can be very fierce. Remember, he has nothing better to do than stew over real or imagined insults. Also make sure you remember that this is me at my worst. Lately, I've turned into more of a Lurker, but that's probably just because I've been outgrowing different message boards. I outgrew about three message boards this past fall, so who knows what could happen now, right? But always beware the Xenophobe: Xenophobe is usually a long-term discussion forum participant and he thinks of the forum as his private compound. Xenophobe regards newbies to his forum as mentally deficient and perhaps even having criminal tendencies, and they are invariably approached with suspicion and condescension. If a Newbie has the temerity to make critical observations about the forum's social dynamics, or questions prevailing opinion, Xenophobe will attempt to silence or drive out the newcomer. And that is true. (0) comments
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