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11.12.2001
So This Might Be The Hormones Talking, But..I had some slight insomnia last night. Okay, so the movie, "Saving Private Ryan," more or less set it off. I started thinking about Sept. 11th. Yeah, I know I said I might stop talking about it, but I can't. It's everywhere. The slightest things will set me off. That's why I changed how the dates were displayed on this page. They were in the European style. 9.11.01. That looks a heck of a lot like Sept. 11th. What? It does. Everything makes me think of it. So I was watching this movie last night, okay? And I just started bawling my eyes out. All I could really think of were the thousands of people who died. And maybe the thousands of dead people yet to come. The only thoughts, the only words that kept crossing my mind were, "We lost our souls that day." It's been a downward spiral ever since. And there's no getting out of it. So maybe this is the pacifist side of me. I guess so. The moral, caring, empathizing side. It sticks its head up every now and then. I was still bawling my eyes out, and I couldn't get to sleep. Yeah, it is sort of hard when you can't stop crying for more than 30 seconds. I just kept saying to myself, over and over, "We lost our souls." I said already, I know. But it's true. I haven't been willing to really think about what happened since it happened. I froze over. I did what everyone else more or less did. I went on. I guess that was the best thing to do. I guess. I don't see how though. They tell you go to on, but they don't tell you to spend any time coming to grips with it. So it just springs up (literally in some cases), when you're least expecting it. Luckily I wasn't driving or at school or anything. That would have been bad. The future is so bleak and dark. And I don't have anyone I ask for help from, because no one else knows what to say. Or else they "moved on," and they aren't willing to speak about it. I feel like we're all alone. I feel like I'm all alone. That girl who reviewed my blog said my posts were depressing and spent too much time on the news right now. It's affecting my life. And if I want to write about it, damn it, I will.
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